The Pruning, Part 1

Before we delve into this post, I want to thank those who are reading my little blog.  The last post seemed to excite some interest and I appreciate all the positive comments that were sent in my direction! That particular post went a tad darker than I originally intended when I started writing it, so I'm thankful that people found it to be encouraging.

My last post was basically a summation of a low point that I reached towards the fall of last year, where I had overburdened myself with just too much, and the realization that I had a driven, almost addictive need to be busy busy busy all the time. I knew there a lot of internal work to do and the first step I needed to take was to eliminate all but the most necessary elements of my daily living and start from the bare bones.

The first thing I eliminated were the pipe dreams, the things that I had in my mind that I wanted to do, but in real life had done nothing to move them forward.  In 9 months I had no less than 4-5 "serious" business ideas that created fevered excitement when thinking about them, but they had never moved beyond the conceptual phase.  I should explain a little bit about myself here -- I'm a highly imaginative individual and imagine myself to have an entrepreneurial mindset (whether this is true or not is up for debate).  However, I am also easily discouraged -- when I can't see past a particular problem that I imagine might appear, I become paralyzed with self-doubt and everything freezes...until I'm inspired again, get excited again, and then paralyzed again...it's really a nasty (albeit funny) cycle.  I almost feel like if I'm NOT coming up with new ideas then something must be wrong.  But what is really wrong is coming up with ideas and never doing anything about them. 

For the most part these pipe dreams were easy to dismiss (at least for now) as I had no concrete attachment to them, neither in time or investment.  Everything I had done for them had been in my own imagination.

The next part was tricky, that was filtering out items of business that were in process.  There were some things that I could NOT take out of the equation -- I had a job that wasn't bringing in a great deal of money, but it was still a paycheck.  And I had my CE studies.  On the surface these weren't necessary in life but my job requires that I constantly hone my skills and stay on top of new research   So these two were truly interlinked and neither could be eliminated.

However, I had a blog (not this one) that I enjoyed immensely.  I was legitimate excited about it and loved writing it for the brief time it was active.  However, I was increasingly lost on how to determine my direction and "voice" for the particular topic it covered.  Plus I felt like I lacked some of the equipment and computer know-how to make it the blog I really wanted it to be.  Rather than being a source of joy, my ambition was making it a source of frustration (see the above paragraph -- I had issues and couldn't see past them...).  This one needed to go, or at least be put on hiatus.  This choice was hard... REALLY hard.  I fought it tooth and nail, but the more I struggled to hold onto it, the less happiness it gave me.  I finally came to a compromise -- I would let it go for now, with the hope that when I had reached the right time I would give myself permission to start it back up again (keep in mind I'm regaling events of several months past, and I am at the point where I feel like I MAY pick it up again, a prospect that both excites and scares me!).

After letting the blog go, everything else was easy.  I didn't have an immensely active social life at the time, so it wasn't as if I needed to let go of many events or other time commitments.

One would think that I had reached a place where I could relax but the reality was quite the opposite... 

The Addiction of Too Much

Today I had a pivotal moment – something I have been working towards for several months now, something that I have really struggled to attain – a moment of boredom.  Well, perhaps not boredom… but for a few minutes, I had nothing to do.  This was a victory.

You see, I used to be bored all the time, and I enjoyed it.  I was single, so my days were work, go home and chill out reading or watching tv.  On the weekends I would hang with friends.  Oh there were the occasional episodic drama moments in life, but generally… that was it.  Until about 5 years ago.  Let’s run down the last five years and then laugh as we compare it to what I just wrote.

• 2010 – I met my future husband, married him, and before the year was out we were expecting our first child.  That was a big year.
• 2011 – The first year of marriage coupled with pregnancy hormones.  Fun.  I worked until about 2 months before the baby and then quit my job forever (that was a great moment!).  Then the baby came, and the first few months were a bit of a struggle for some tedious reasons I won't go into at the moment.  But we all made it through and sallied forth.
• 2012 – The first part of the year was almost mellow, and I foolishly thought things were calming down, so I decided to start an intermediate course in herbalism. Until baby #1 turned one year old and I realized then that baby #2 was on the way.  Then we (and about 70% of our possessions) had to move out of our house for a month for some desperate repairs.  Then move back in.
• 2013 – In hindsight, this was a year of peace.  Despite regular ups and downs, the arrival of baby #2 was smooth and we had a wonderful transition.  I wrapped up my course and opened up a small (very small) little business in herbal goodness.  Amazingly the school that I learned under wanted to hire me as an instructor!  AND take advanced work in aromatherapy!  How could I resist that?  But by December we knew things were about to change…
• 2014 – The Year of the Big Move.  We completely uprooted and took a gamble on a new job in a much, much larger city.  Really, it was a smooth transition and the move has been a great step for us, but it still, any huge change has its toll on both the family unit and the individuals.  I continued to work and study and my entrance into our new city was invigorating to say the least.  I wanted to do EVERYTHING.  Learn! Teach! Open multiple businesses! Blog! the list really was extensive…and insane.  Because somehow I had translated the sweetness of pipe dreams into attempting to do "all the things" in a very literal sense.  By the end of the year I was completely burned out and overwhelmed with everything I was trying to do. And I might add, I wasn't doing any of these things particularly well.

And this little summary really covers just the basics – there is so much it doesn’t cover.  But what I really can’t communicate is the incessant (and needless) DRIVE I increasingly felt.  I don’t know if it stemmed from years of working, and guilt that I was staying home with my children.  Or did I feel like I had no value in what I was doing and kept looking for more?  Or somewhere along the way did this person who used to value “quiet time” no longer face an empty moment or peaceful silence.  I’m not sure what happened but that is what I had become.  Afraid of stillness, suspicious of silence, and ceaseless busy – yet often without purpose.  But filling my time entirely wasn’t working.  I was spinning my wheels without actually getting anything done.  I was frantic to accomplish something, anything, and yet the reality was I was doing too much without intention, so nothing was satisfying or complete.  And what was worse, I had the nagging feeling that my girls' sweet baby years were sweeping by me, unnoticed.  It wasn't that I was too busy (or mothers everywhere would be guilty of the same problem), it was my attitude and approach to that busyness.  I was entirely and completely self-absorbed.  I need to stop and smell the flowers, but I wasn't sure how...or even if...I could pull myself from the brink.  It was an addiction, and it was foul.

Things had to change.  More on this to come…

The Great Toy Purge

Let’s start this off by saying I’m a mixed bag when it comes to the current trend of minimalism. I love the idea in theory, and I think it is fantastic that more and more people are embracing it.  There are many areas in life where I strive to cut back on all the STUFF society seems to tell us we want or even need.  However, in other ways, I can be very materialistic and want more, more, more.  Then of course I feel guilty about wanting more when I have all I really need.  It’s a vicious cycle already, and it just increases when one has children.  All the toys.  All the clothes.  All the little doodads.  It’s endless.

Toys are my special bugaboo.  There is nothing wrong with toys, but they just aren’t a big deal on my radar. I tend to spend my money on books and cute clothes for my girls.  Toys, not so much.  I like toys, in fact I can sit down and build a Lincoln Log cabin that would knock your socks off, but so many toys are so… uninspiring.  And I feel like our family just had too many dang toys.  Which is funny because my kids don’t really have a lot of toys compared to many other children. I always feel vaguely weirded out after going to a play date at another house, because I’m simultaneously amazed and horrified at the sheer number of toys so many children have now.  Amazed because… toys can be awesome.  Horrified when I think of the clean up every day.  And…because I believe children can actually become overwhelmed by having too many toys.  In my mind, toys exist for those days when children can’t go outside.  And in S. Texas, there simply aren’t a lot of those (obviously I am speaking from the perspective of someone who has a secure backyard; those living in apartments by necessity need a different approach).

Just like every other mother on social media, I have seen the occasional flurry of blog articles talking about how they purged their children’s toys - you can read one of the most popular ones here.  I loved this idea but I had some squirmy feelings about it.  Because my kids don’t seem to have a lot of toys (by comparison), how could I sift through the ones they do have and eliminate them? 

So enter the idea of toy rotation.  I had heard some about the idea but had never known to have actually put it into practice.  However, when I attended a wonderful tot school class put on by Lone Star Signers, I learned more about it in great detail.  So I thought I would give it a try.  I purged a few toys altogether, but the rest I divided into two groups and rotated them in and out.  I think the method is fine, but I have a poor memory – what is supposed to be a 4-6 week rotation would turn into 3-4 months.  Of course the plus side is rotating day was the children were exuberant when they received their “new” toys.  It seemed to be a great idea and it worked.

But something was still bugging me.  I guess I have a philosophical issue with children having so many toys that they NEEDED to be rotated in order to have enough room for them.  Or that their level of contentment was so poor that toys needed to be fresh and new in order to warrant playtime.  And the constant mess in the room was draining us all…it seems to suck the energy out of an otherwise clean house.  My three year old has always been very good about cleaning her room and even her almost-two year old sister enjoys picking up, but the constant mess overwhelmed them.

So it was time to get hardcore about it.  A genuine toy purge, eliminating everything that didn’t fit comfortably within their room, without relying on hidden corners or precious closet space.  And oh, what a lovely peace afterwards.

What's remarkable is looking at this picture, I do not see deprived children with no toys.  It's cozy, colorful, and ready for play.  My three year old visibly relaxed when she checked out her reduced inventory.  She didn’t cry, she didn’t as for a particular toy, she just settled down and began playing with a long-time favorite. 

A toy purge may not be for everyone.  Some people like knowing they have lots of toys available for their children, and that is fine.  It's just not for us.  

My purging tended to focus on broken toys, unloved toys, obnoxious Noisemakers or Batter Eaters, or excessive duplicates (one can only have so many stuffed bunnies).  I kept anything that inspired creative play.  I should add too that this isn’t even everything they have – their books are in the main room and they have puzzles and educational toys that are on a shelf out of their reach.  These have smaller pieces, so they are taken down, used, and put away, one at a time.

It’s amazing how the energy in the entire house lifted.  One of my New Year’s resolutions was to keep the house in a relatively neat state every day (not clean…neat…important distinguishing point there) and that room was the one that was holding back that sense of organized peace.  But it’s been a week now and the room has stayed clean, the girls play happier, and mommy cleans less.

When momma is happy, everyone is happy  ;-)

Of Cleavers and Snail Shells

Today we had planned a highly anticipated hike right outside of San Antonio, but due to some unexpected circumstances (dead car battery, fun) we had to transfer our plans to a backyard adventure.  I decided we would try to identify one weed plant in our yard. So allow me to introduce to you to Galium aparine!  Or more commonly known in this area, cleaver.

You can find this particular plant EVERYWHERE right now, or at least it is dominant in unkempt lawns.  A few interesting links for further information can be found here, and here.  You can also find quite a bit of medicinal research on this plant on pubmed.  It has quite a bit of medicinal history.

We also found a broken snail shell that fascinated the children.  We have quite the collection of shells, but they had never seen one the interior of one before, and this one was almost split in half.

So...still a successful morning out of doors.  Hikes come and go, but a snail shell treasure was waiting for us this day.

February Flowers

So it is March already, but I still want to share my arrangement for February, because I loved it so.

These are branches of berries, foraged from a public fenceline.  It seems to resemble Mayhaw (Crataegus opaca) but the ripening of the fruit seemed to be too early in the year for Mayhaw, so I need to research that one further.  Obviously, not knowing absolutely what it is, the berries remained as decoration only.  Isn't it lovely though?  I blended it with Eucalyptus and it made quite an arrangement in early February and lasted about a month.  It was a perfect look for Valentines Day and to brighten up a dreary, cold month.

I might add too, this is a great example of creating an arrangement on the cheap -- the Eucalyptus branches were inexpensive and came in a large bundle that served for several arrangements on its own that were scattered throughout the house, and the alleged Mayhaws were free.